What were some of the ideas or rules you believed when you first started? Have any been proven wrong? Do you still believe in some of them?

The most common ones I suppose.

The bad ideas ~ Submissives being weak, Dom’s as abusive pricks. Which can be true but in a healthy relationship isn’t. That I would be giving up all my free will if I entered the relationship, also false. That there was a ‘proper’ way to do things. That high protocol/rules were common. 

The good ideas ~ A D/s relationship demanded trust, communication and openness. It was a highly intimate form of relationship that encouraged awareness of one another. That it might possibly be healing. 

The good I still believe, the bad, no. I’ve learned a lot, thankfully. Some of it by trial and error, and some through listening and research. 

What are your first recollections of being submissive or Dominant? When do you first find out what it meant to be one or the other? Did you accept it? Were there reservations?

I remember when I first interacted with a Dominant. It was one of my first writing partners on E actually, and his sub was on the forum as well and I got to know the pair of them. They were the first that made me pause and think about it. At first I rejected it out of hand though, because it seemed to me, from the outside looking in, to be abusive and rather like what my biological mother and stepfather had had. But they seemed to happy and healthy and I met other D/s couples that seemed the same, or single submissives and so I started to research. 

The role of submissive deeply appealed to me for a number of reasons but I think the largest one, one that still shapes me to a degree was that it was given positive reinforcement. And there were clear boundaries, expectations. 

I honestly don’t think I could function in a vanilla relationship, not that I see my relationships as particularly kink heavy, rather simply aware. Both partners are aware and discuss the needs of both. And being submissive, well it provides a way to be told “good girl” [two of my favorite words] or “good job”, to know that I succeeded, that I pleased. I was never ever good enough growing up with my ‘parents’, or in foster care, only in school. School was my ‘Dom’ in that sense because I made it the end all in my life. 

When I first started exploring it though I was still so iffy, unsure. Its been a struggle, even after accepting that as part of my identity because I feel this drive. I need to prove I can take care of myself. Only I have, I have proven that a hundred times over every day since I was five or so. 

Now…now acknowledging that role as a part of me lets me accept help from others. Lets me ask for it. 

I was afraid that I would lose some of myself in being submissive, that I would be weaker for it, or less able. That’s not true. Accepting this part of myself has made me so so much stronger. And I am blessed with those who have helped me grown and learn in it. 

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Part of ~ Silly Girls Project - Week One. 

Today’s ‘song’ from Miss. 

The past two weeks have seen a lot of work going into my relationship with Miss. That’s a truth about relationships a lot of people don’t want to face sometimes I think but that poly has really illustrated for me. Relationships are work. Sure its easy at first but I think part of the reason divorce has become so common is that expectation that relationships should validate and make us happy, that they are suppose to get easier not harder. I don’t think they get harder persay but they don’t get easier, its all relative in the end. 

I’m happy to put that work in. Spending long hours talking and communicating has helped my relationship with Handsome flourish beautifully the past few months. Now I’m starting to see hints of it with Miss as well. 

The move, as this blog has covered, has caused some issues for me and Miss, but there were other things as well. Her move coming up, to Seattle, moving in with her other girlfriend. My getting closer to Guardian. Our ups and downs. Its just been either we are beautifully wonderful or wretched and unsure of how to communicate. Not this past Thursday but the one before we sat down and worked out some ideas for how to make things better, and that date day was brilliant. As last nights blog covered this weeks date day was less wonderful.

But we made up for that I think. Last night I called her to say goodnight and we ended up talking about a lot of the stuff I mentioned in the blog. And of course she read the blog herself before bed. 

When I woke up this morning I had a few reservations, nerves really, hoping that the conversation would have settled the worst of things and we could be ‘us’ again. I did a few things and then got online to tell her I loved her while I folded laundry. She said she had sent me something in my email and so I went to look. And promptly started to cry in delight and love at what I got to read there. 

Mariposa,

 

I woke up this morning thinking of you and thinking of our issues. You know, to be totally honest, we don’t really have a lot (says the crazy one ;) ) We just need to learn how to manage each other better. And I’m going to work on that, and I need to know you’re going to work on that with me. So, as I was lounging in bed, I started thinking that one of the issues that seems to be there is managing time and/or the issue of being online too much. Since it has been going on for a few months now, I want to help. This is where…I’m kinda putting my foot down. Yesterday you made a comment how I was the Dominant and you were waiting on me to make the first move and I replied that I wasn’t going to seek out time with you when I felt it wasn’t welcomed or wanted. But you did hit on a right note: I do need to be more Dominant and more Assertive with you.

 

So, I have thought about a schedule for you and I’d like for you to give me your input and switch things around to how they work for you. But here is what I am going to be firm about. I want you to have no more than 8 hours online. It can be as less as you want, but I want you to be online no more than 8 hours. A ‘work day’ if you will. Within those 8 hours, you can fit in Blogging and Writing.

 

This is the schedule I have thought so far and I would like your input. Not just yours, but share it with Handsome and let me know what he thinks. Before I go into this, though, I want you to remember that I am doing this because I WANT you to excel in everything that you do. I see your potential, mariposa and I know all that you can achieve. And I love you. I don’t like seeing you having any kind of ‘low spoons’ kinda day. I know that sometimes those days can be inevitable, and I will be there to hold your hand and to let you know I love you, but I’d like to stall them as much as I can.

 

I’m rambling! Schedule!

Well I was all into blogging earlier this week and then it sort of slid…I apologize for that. I mean to get back into my daily things and to be on more life just had other stuff in store I suppose. 

Life has been rather up and down, a few shaky moments with my Miss and some great ones as well. I guess that’s just relationships though, last Thursday was just so amazing for the two of us and I guess both of us wanted it to be just like that. Only its impossible to recapture a day. Better to focus on what that day can give you instead of what it can’t. At least that is what I’m going to try and keep in mind. I was still thrilled to have her time yesterday. And sad that we both seem so uncertain of what to say now. It feels sometimes like we are either amazing or horrid and we don’t know how to be inbetween. 

I feel bad at the moment, honestly, because I don’t know what to say and because I’m struggling so hard to try and come up with something to help fix it. Truth is the past few days I feel like I’m on a rollar coast of either being happy or really low, nearing the depression state. And I don’t want to go there. The silliest things can have me feeling icky and anxious and about to cry. I’ve been clinging a lot to Handsome because of that. It just makes what’s going on with Miss that much harder because I feel like I should be doing better then I am, that I should do more. 

I have something I think might help…I hope. I love her so much and I don’t want to feel distant from her. 

Today though I took steps to try and ground myself more. I slid back into being online far too much for several reasons but it played with my mind and I think that might be part of why I’ve been struggling so hard. I woke up and spent an hour or so just talking on the phone to a friend who is good at making me laugh. And then I got up and did some chores, dusting, vacuuming, laundry [which I need to fold tomorrow], and other little things. And then I exercised, only for five to ten minutes but it helped my back feel better. After that I spent some time pampering myself by bathing and handling my hair, curling up in bed afterward to read for an hour and a half before I even looked at my computer. 

I felt…better. Content. Well a little frustrated that we were lacking baking soda so I couldn’t bake cookies I promised Handsome but that was minor. 

Then I got online and started talking to Miss a bit. I’m sure she noticed I was quieter then normal, particularly after she told me about her morning. She ended up spending it with a man I thought she had nothing to do with anymore. And… well maybe its just paranoid or illogical but it was a shock that she would be intimate with him without giving me any warning before hand. I should realize that not all my partners play by the rules I do, Lady certainly doesn’t for one. But with Miss I guess I just thought she would tell me because of the issues we had when I didn’t tell her first. ~sighs~ Who knows. It just made me feel like maybe I was just extra baggage so I lasped into silence and missed out on time with her. I regret that. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say. 

I did manage to get some writing done today which made me happy, but then the internet crapped out on me so I went to talk to Handsome about food. We had a minor tiff last night and there was some lingering unease between us but we ended up poking at each other’s buttons enough that it triggered me fleeing and him pinning me down to spank me and then take me. It hurt. A lot. I don’t know why, maybe because I was upset and tense where normally I’m eager, but it hurt enough that I was sobbing as he took me, yet that crying helped something. It let me let it out. When he got me to climax he withdrew and just held me and I broke down all over again. I felt so safe and relieved, as if I had done a penance and now could cry without shame. I still hate crying in front of people, well not happy tears, but sad or angry or scared ones, those I bottle up as long as I can. I guess he just knew that was what I needed.

Not long after that my new art tablet finally arrived, a gorgeous, beautiful, incredible Intous5 that I am completely in love with. He helped me unpack it and then we went to try a new place for lunch. We don’t be returning to that wing place but we did get baking soda and I felt better for getting out of the house. Upon our return I started to set up my new tablet and play with it some. 

I was happily surprised to see how smoothly it worked, worlds better then my old one and the art just came. I did a steady five hours of art work with hardly noticing it. I just enjoyed the hell out of myself. And over all I’m pretty happy with what came out of it too. So… today was a good day, mostly. But I know I’m still on that rollar coaster. I’m hoping I manage to get off before I plunge low again. I know though that if I can just communicate to those I love they will be there with me…I just loath that part of myself. Bleh. 

I have come so far in loving and accepting myself but there is still a lot to go, especially on the more negative aspects. 

gentledom:

First of all, we are all individuals and therefore, submission is something different for each of us - men and women, subs and Doms, young or old, new to the lifestyle or with a fair share of experiences. So I can and will not claim to give the only possible definition or even explanation but I…

For theprincespet <3

theprincespet:

For SensualStarlight~

Oh I adore you!! You totally made me break out laughing in delight. 

theprincespet:

Hey everyone. I’m trying to help a friend with her presentation for class. Her presentation is on BDSM related myths and facts. If you could take five minutes and send me a note or message with some myths and facts that you’ve discovered on your journey, that’d be awesome. 

Reblogging this so I can collect a large amount of info, would also be awesome.

Thanks!

His kitten~